To start off hes in the navy so there are alot of times that im alone, i registered on a few penpal sites so i could have people to talk to when hes gone. At first, he didnt know anything about it. I didnt think it was that big of a deal. I wasnt giving out my address or trying to cheat on him. At first I was strictly talking to females and when he did find out he tells me “you can talk to guys if you want.” so the most recent site i signed up for i wrote “Im married so im not looking for anything more then friends, penpal, or just people to talk to” One guy emailed me and I guess one day as my husband was walking towards me I shut down my inbox to quick. It made it look like I was hiding something, i suppose. But instead of talking to me about it, he goes in my email, because he knew my password, which isnt a big deal I had nothing to hide. He read every single email and went crazy. Yelling cussing threatening divorce. Well we got past that. He said I could still talk to him as long as he knew that i was married. Well I guess I forgot because i hadnt talked to this person in a long time Well this guy asked me why I was divorced. I didnt lead him to believe that so I chalked it to a simple misunderstanding on his part. Well my husband had been hacking into my email went crazy yet again started yelling and cussing at me and telling me we’re over. I just told my husband I wouldnt talk to him anymore. And I havent. This morning i got an email on my phone saying my password had been changed. I knew he did it, so i asked him about, he denied it. SO i tried logging into both of my emails, and the ones password was changed. I knew he did it but he kept lying about it. Finally he admitted to it and said
“you keep talking to guys behind my back! Your a compulsive liar!! You need to go to lie counseling”
Just being insane.
It was really hurting my feelings so I finally shouted at him
“Maybe Im lying because you make me unhappy!”
I didnt mean that at all but I was so fed up with being called a liar and having my feelings hurt I just wanted a little revenge i guess.
I suggest to him marriage counseling. he wont go for it, he suggested spliting up. He has serious anger problems and hes stubborn as hell and alls I wanted was a little of freedom, i suppose. When hes all calm down he wont want a divorce tho
What should I do about this?
I dont want a divorce, id really like to work all this out but if hes not willing I dont know what to do.
This is really starting to stress me out.
and i agree with you.
thats why i was only talking to girls in the beginning.
I guess when I wrote 'males or females' i didnt really expect any guys to write me
but it was nice to have that trust and a little indepence
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17 responses so far ↓
1 Kathyrn F // Sep 18, 2008
Simple. Quit talking to men on the internet, it makes him uncomforatble and its wearing down his trust.
Is talking to strangers online really worth screwing up your marriage? I'd stay away from all chats from now on.
He's obviously touchy about it…I could see him accusing girls you chat to as lying and really being guys…it's just something I would avoid witht his kind of guy.
2 Taunte Rez // Sep 18, 2008
I don’t understand why he said you can talk to guys if you want, but then freaks out,,
In my opinion you should not be talking to guys at all ,not even for pen pals, if you’re married.
3 littl3_red // Sep 18, 2008
thats a really lame situation
and idk much about marriages or anything but it seems like you need to really talk to him
sit down with him
explain yourself
dont get mad at him
if he starts yelling at you just let it go
he’s probbly just really worried youre cheating on him
4 Old Kid // Sep 18, 2008
Wow, he should dump you like a bad habit. It looks like he tried to convince you that what you were doing was bothering him and you did it anyway.
5 Gangsta // Sep 18, 2008
Look here you only do things like that on the computer when your spouse is not home you get it. As far as the email thing cancel it and start another one but let him know that you do it so your not hiding anything, but don’t make the pass word something he can guess make something up
6 Terris Fan // Sep 18, 2008
Well I think one of the things you need to discuss with him is what exactly in each of the emails that set him off, bothered him so much.
If he is capable of “hacking” into your email and reading the messages you have received, then he is capable of reading the ones you sent and therefore should know if you did or did not do something “wrong”.
You shouldn’t need to hide anything from him and I am glad to hear you are not, let him look all he wants, and advise him to be sure and read your responses as well as the ones you receive.
Also either he goes to counseling with you or he shuts up about sending you to counseling. He can’t expect you to do anything he wouldn’t do.
7 Sandra T // Sep 18, 2008
You may want to think about shutting down your computer while he is at home, staying off line and paying more attention to him. That could be a major part of this problem. Men who are in the military tend to be more jealous than others. Sadly to say, most have a good reason for this. Try to stay off the computer while he is at home. When he’s gone, if you want a pen pal, create a new email account (one that he doesn’t have the password to) and use that to write to your friends.
8 Kat G // Sep 18, 2008
In general most men do not want to chat or be pen pals unless they think they will end up sleeping with you. I would recommend you disable both email address set up new ones and chat with other woman in the same situation that you are in. Also how about getting out and joining some clubs and doing something with your time.
As far as your husband goes he has anger issues and he needs to address that. In addition him being in the Navy what dose that mean? He has no conversations with any other woman? I find that hard to believe. I am not saying he is cheating but I would think he has spoken to woman at some point during his time away.
Trust is the key to marriage and with out regaining the trust you are going no where.
9 Quasimodo // Sep 18, 2008
Isn’t it amazing that people will gladly take a shovel, dig their own grave and then cry about how they got into such a predicament?
Nice going.
10 hunny bunny // Sep 18, 2008
Thats sad, this happened to me to.. my husband had email accounts with adultfriend finder .com a dirty filthy sight for swingers.. he was cheating on me.. i found out got on myspace and found some nice people to talk to ,, made me feel better about myself.. my crazy husband got on knew my pass word and changed my profile to i was bi and lived in swing town.. it hurt me . i have not went on to fix it he changed my pass word .. what ever i don’t care anymore.. i am going to join real life groups and make friends he cannot take from me.. your husband sounds like a @sshole.. like mine get strong and do what you need to to be happy..
11 applesnapple2008 // Sep 18, 2008
Sounds like you are both very immature and insecure, especially your husband.
You should have never been talking to men on the internet to begin with, and when it became a problem the first time, you should have stopped at that point.
Just quit talking to men on the internet, and don’t give your husband your passwords anymore. I have nothing to hide, but I would be annoyed if my husband was reading all my emails, and I wouldnt read his either.
12 dkodmp5 // Sep 18, 2008
I had a very similar situation with my girl, so I am gonna tell you whats exactly happening inside his head:
Why does she need to talk to other men, I am not man enough for her?
Why does she tells people she is divorced and lied to me (I know you dididnt lie or didnt do anything wrong, but when you interact with other guys, you need to be VERY careful on whats is online about your interaction so there are no little misunderstoods)
How come she doesnt place the same effor on me?
How come she doesnt talk to me about these interactions?
Why wouldnt she tell me she is meeting with other guys online?
and the list goes on. No one is saying that you cant meet with other men, but I think most men rather have you meet with men they know or men that are your friends but that he has met.
He is way over too jaelous. In my experience if he is that jaelous it might be becuz he is cheating on you. Not to add more to your pile but it could be a possibility.
Good luck
13 chato // Sep 18, 2008
My ex wife is hacking my email to. tell your husband that it really hurts and makes you miserable to know that he can not trust you, his wife the love of his life. To be honest it is really sad that he does not know you well enough to know that you will never cheat on him. Sorry if this doesn’t help but it is true, if he can not trsut you, how can he rspect your feelings? if he can not respect you or your feelings? How can he love you?
14 Bernedette // Sep 18, 2008
The issue between you and your husband is communication. I look at Craig’s List personal ads all the time because I find them entertaining. My fiance doesn’t care. He knows that if I’m comfortable to do it with him around, I’m not doing anything wrong when I’m by myself. Find out if your man looks at porn. My man does and at first it hurt my self esteem but now I don’t care bc hes just looking. I don’t think you are immature or insecure like others are saying because we all need social communication. Otherwise why would any of us be answering this? He needs to trust you and if the guy doesn’t know your married who cares? I’d be ok if my man was flirting with someone. As long as I know he’s not in love with them, or physical with them. So what? If you are at the store and a man brings up a topic with you, your man’s upset? If he thinks you need counseling he should be willing to go to. What is he doing while hes away??? You don’t question him, he needs to trust you. Maybe its his on insecurities getting in the way, or conscious.
15 Kimmerz // Sep 18, 2008
Sounds like you have some major trust issues. Talking to other men on line are only going to make it worse. Men in the military have issues anyways because they are away so much, but you don’t need to add to them.
16 Sandy Ego // Sep 18, 2008
You guys both need to calm down and think this over. How much are you willing to tolerate? Is this ok by you that someone logs into your e-mail account and reads your e-mails without your permission? It would be a huge issue for me; and I have nothing to hide, either - but some things are meant to stay private, like your e-mails to friends and family, or your journal, for example. I know that when I talk to my family or friends, I will say things I don’t necessarily want my husband to hear; like, when I’m looking for advice on some disagreement we might be having, or venting about something insignificant, etc. When such private expressions become “public”, it can create problems, like it did in your case.
You and your husband need to agree on the concept of privacy - reading each other’s e-mails without permission should be off-limits, period. If you can’t have basic trust in each other’s judgment, this relationship will not work in the long run. Establish some guidelines and expectations. So, he doesn’t feel comfortable if you talk to guys online; fine, don’t talk to guys, it shouldn’t be a big deal. But in any case you two need to be on the same page regarding the boundaries in your relationship. Going behind each other’s backs is always disrespectful.
17 hurt // Oct 9, 2008
My boyfriend has trust issues and he keeps doing things to find out all my online activities. most recently he is questioning me on whether or not i own a sextoy which i don’t yet because (we were online together looking and couldn’t choose) but i bought one for him last month and he has it, however now he is becoming irate about me buying one and accusing me of having more than one. all because he saw that I’ve been looking around for what i might like to buy. He was never this way before,He knows my family is kinda like the “fockers” (very open sexualy). I have bought for my mother in the past which he knows about.So why all of a sudden he’s sneeking around my email and tootimid.com account and tracking my activity? I dont live with him how is he doing all this?????
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